Wow your routine sounds like hard work. It's nice to not be alone in this. My daughter falls asleep on the sofa with her head on my lap, then we take her into our room with us when we go to bed. We used to put her in her own room, but then the stress she felt when she woke was challenging and we were sleep deprived, so I guess out of selfishness for my sleep preservation, we skipped that step.

I like your comment about having special needs and special fears. It's a nice way to look at it.

Sending you all the strength I can muster! :)