Which Mom Are You?
A list of mom sub-types
I used to be a fairly normal human. That was until I pushed a couple of babies out. I’m pretty sure, that when my babies invaded my womb, they implanted some kind of alien toxin. Not only has this poison been slowly eating away at my brain cells, resulting in a slow, yet obvious decline in my mental capacity, it has turned me into something unfamiliar. Something I wasn’t expecting.
Somehow, I’ve metamorphosed into a mom. That’s right, a mother, mommy, mama, ‘moooooooooom.’
Now, I don’t just mean I’ve become a mom because I gave birth, I feel like I’ve actually genetically mutated into a mom. Suddenly I’ve been thrust into a world where I’m the wise one, I’m the one that cleans up the vomit, cooks the dinners, wipes the tears (and the bums) and is teaching life skills to little developing brains.
It appears that are many others who have, just like me, been invaded by aliens. The venom injected into each of these women seems to have resulted in a variety of mom sub-types.
So, to help scientists around the world broaden their knowledge on this phenomenon I’ve decided to present my thoughts on some of the mom types I interact with each and every day.
Gym mom
Gym mom may or may not actually go to the gym, but she’s consistently in active wear. She’s always ‘just been to the gym’ or is ‘on her way’ but is often caught out doing absolutely everything but going to the gym.
Gym moms love having coffee catch-ups with other gym moms and active wear is the new ‘day wear.’ Gym mom has a gorgeous array of leggings and has stepped up the commitment by getting her hands on a few pairs that have the built-in pockets for her mobile phone.
Parent helper mom
Parent helper mom doesn’t ever leave the school. After dropping her child off she’ll be up at the school reception chatting to the administration staff and putting her name down on all the parent helper volunteer lists.
You’ll see her organizing the school fair, helping kids with their reading and joining in on excursions. She’s on a first name basis with all the teachers and weirdly, these teachers are followers on her Instagram.
Tupperware mom
Tupperware mom makes a side hustle from sucking money out of you through her pyramid shopping schemes. She invites you to her parties where she sells the same thing to the same people all the time. It could be plastic containers, jewellery, linen, makeup or if she’s the adventurous type, sex toys that generate more power than a lawn mower.
The other moms go to Tupperware mom’s parties just for the free food and wine, but then end up feeling guilty, so ultimately purchase something they don’t need and that the husband at won’t approve of (unless it’s the sex toy).
Corporate mom
Corporate mom doesn’t know any of the other moms. She might not actually exist because no one ever sees her. If you are lucky enough to catch a glimpse of her, she’ll have AirPods in her ears, be rocking an exquisite power suit, have great calf muscles from routine stiletto wearing and be using her eyes to convey all messages to her children because she’s stuck on a Zoom call.
Good-looking mom
Good-looking mom is the envy of a lot of moms. She dresses well, her hair is always freshly straightened and she has a killer tan even in winter. Good-looking mom’s kids are super cute and this mom takes the time to meticulously braid her daughter’s hair.
Her kids look the best in school photos and all the other moms feel a little annoyed when their kid is stuck sitting next to good-looking mom’s children in the front row of these pictures.
Helicopter mom
Helicopter mom is always around ready to pounce into action if there is a tiny indication that their child could be in danger. This mom doesn’t like their kid climbing trees and will squeeze themselves onto the children’s playground to chaperone.
Helicopter mom knows everything about their kid’s life, gets way too involved in their kid’s social life, never lets their kid fail, does their kid’s homework then gets annoyed at the teacher when they don’t get an ‘A.’
I’d love to say I was a healthy mix of all the above moms, but unfortunately, I’m not. I can’t even pretend to be a gym mom as I haven’t seen a gym in 15 years. I’m so un-tanned that I camouflage into a snow storm, so the title of good-looking mom would be unattainable.
I’m not a parent-helper mom because as soon as I drop my kids off at school I ran away as fast as I can. I fall over in stilettos and did sell Tupperware at one point, but then got kicked out for not being a good saleswoman.
I think I fall into a new mom sub-type.
The exhausted-‘trying-her-best’-mom
This mom presents as a little rough around the edges. Some days she forgets to pack her kid’s drink bottle. She’s tired most of the time, yet gives out of an empty tank with the aim to try and raise happy kids.
She doesn’t get this ‘mom thing’ right all the time, heck, she doesn’t know what she is doing most of the time, but she gets in and gets her hands dirty. This mom acknowledges that being a mom is tough. There are good days and bad days, but all in all, this mom is trying her best.
For more articles on health, motherhood, work, well-being, and lifestyle, sign up now for my newsletter: drleannemullan@ck.page
