This Child Care Center Deserves One Star
The most ridiculous and terrifying child care center Google reviews
Placing your child into the care of another individual is possibly one of the most worrying things to do. You’ve got to let go of control and trust that a person has your kid’s best interest at heart.
Will they know how to comfort them, lovingly correct them and ensure their basic needs are met?
With our children being our most precious asset and sometimes our most loved liability, ensuring they are cared for by good people within safe child care centers seems pretty important. When choosing a child care center, hearing the experiences of others can help in the decision making.
Now, I’ve used Google reviews a number of times when looking for other services, like plumbers and electricians. I didn’t choose the cleaner who was reported to be pocketing people’s jewellery and I shied away from the solicitor who smelt a little weird. Google reviews could quite possibly help parents to make the best decision regarding where to place their child for care.
So, with the help of my 12-year-old, we delved into the world of child care center Google reviews.
Let me tell you, I wasn’t disappointed.
What started out as my desire to help other parents with their child care decisions, ended up with me sinisterly searching for the most ridiculous and terrifying feedback I could find.
So, here’s some of the weird, macabre and hilarious Google reviews I found. Enjoy!
The kids are poisoned
I’m not sure if we should believe someone with the name of YoBoyBigBen, but lookout. Having a meth-addicted toddler is probably not the return you’d expect on your child care fee investment. Sure, if they were using a little whisky to help the kids fall asleep for their afternoon nap, we might not be so worried, but poisoning kids ain’t cool.
Staff are straight out of prison
Sam’s children are being looked after by ex-prisoners. This is a little concerning, though perhaps the center will teach the kids resilience and some additional life skills. Maybe Sam and YoBoyBigBen’s child care centers could join forces to create the next generation of felons.
Breast milk bungle
In this next review, Tracee is pretty upset that her child was given some other mom’s breast milk, and rightfully so. I’d actually be more annoyed though, if I was the other mom. Personally, every ounce of my breast milk took me approximately 16 days to express, so don’t go shoving my liquid gold into another kid thanks.
They are bad at math
If being ‘downright ghetto’ wasn’t bad enough, having terrible math skills is even worse. You don’t want your 3-year-old struggling with long multiplication or child care bills. Let’s not even start on the 1 star we’d give Jessica for her English skills.
The discipline is too fun
Let’s disclaim now — Google reviews aren’t the place to base grammatical teachings. I think Anjan may have made a typo here, but even worse is that her kid was forced to sit on a slide for punishment. I can think of a lot worse places for discipline — a dark cupboard or a boring time-out chair? No, this child care center is stepping it up by putting kids on slides when they are in trouble!
Staff steal the kid’s clothes
Mrs. Jefferies has a lot to answer for. Why are the staff wearing clothes that are too small for them? Perhaps they aren’t paid enough and can’t afford new clothes or maybe Racquel’s nephews just have impeccable style?
Homeless people live there
The photo of my house on Google maps has a shady-looking guy dressed in all black sitting out the front. It does concern me a little as I have no idea when this photo was taken. I can assure you though, there are no shady people dressed in all black inside my house. My kids can be frightening, but generally, they are in mix-matched clothing. I wonder how many homeless people are harassing kids inside the child care center that Farhat’s children attend?
The center smells
My kids stink. When you put a bunch of the filthy, little things together in one room there’s generally a smell that’s an eclectic mix of poo, vomit, old food, and disinfectant. Perhaps if Andrew had his kids fully toilet trained straight out of the womb, child care centers wouldn’t smell so bad.
The center isn’t a takeout shop
I think Julie got a bit confused. When she we went to pick up her take-out they gave her a child and some dodgy prawn toast instead. Talk about disappointing. In all seriousness, this take-out shop review was found in a child care and early education center profile. Odd!
They don’t speak English
I wish my kid got taught another language at child care. I’ve heard that it makes for smarter humans in the long run. I wonder what language Wendy speaks? Chinese is the language of the new world; I hope Wendy is Chinese.
The child care center makes people sick
It appears Jully caught some kind of illness from her child care center. I’m not sure if it was a gastro bug, the flu or something else, but all Jully has to say is that it makes her sick. You best avoid this child care center as it may make you generally sick, whether through something infectious or just simply because the center exists.
The teachers look bored and the kids are dirty
Just yesterday I whispered to my husband, whilst playing dolls with my daughter, “I’m so horrendously bored.” Playing hide-and-seek, pushing kids on swings, changing diapers and reading the same story books over and over again can be pretty dull.
I feel for these teachers. I reckon I’d look a little bored too. I realize we pay good money and therefore expect high energy excitement and fun for our kids, I just feel that I can’t expect more from them, than I give myself. Sometimes, I do look bored, sometimes I don’t want to get off the sofa and sometimes, dare I say it, my kids are bored too.
Dennis’ kids also come home dirty. If my kid doesn’t come home dirty then I tend to think they’ve had a pretty dull day. I generally expect them to be tumbling in the dirt, their shoes will be full of sand and there’s probably a stray leaf in their underwear. A dirty kid is a happy kid, in my book.
The child care center keeps people waiting
I really envy Vik. Having to wait half an hour to be served has been the worst experience of her life. Vik has had an exceptional life. I want Vik’s life. I don’t even care about the lady who kept her waiting. In my mind she was teaching Vik a life lesson — patience.
It’s all in the name
It doesn’t matter if the child care center is run by criminals or drug dealers, nor if the staff steal clothes and don’t know their times tables, if it has a good name, Maggie gives it five stars. Maggie’s kids don’t go to the center, they’ve never visited, heck, she doesn’t even have children!
Sending kids to child care is a big decision and doesn’t come easy.
Whilst we need to call out child care centers for poor management and not taking our concerns seriously, I tend to think that no one is ever going to care for my child as well as I do. Unrealistic expectations need to dissolve, and I, as a mom, need to be content that my kids are cared for, fed and generally happy when I pick them up.
At the end of the day if my child care center refrains from poisoning my kids, leaves the homeless outside, and doesn’t make them sit on the slide for punishment, then it seems they are doing well. That and having an awesome name like the ‘Happy, Sunshine, Rainbow, Fun, Jellybean Center’ makes them deserving of a solid five stars.
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