My Husband Doesn’t Babysit My Kids
Challenging traditional parental roles
I’m pretty lucky to be able to do most of my work from home. This means that I can generally juggle meetings and deadlines around school drop-offs and extracurricular activities. I can work from my laptop in the evening if I’ve needed to do ‘mom stuff’ during the day and can avoid busy work commutes.
In my work I do, however, occasionally need to head into the office, attend after-hours meetings, or travel.
One of my biggest gripes when working away from home is being asked a really simple question. A question that is so dated, I can’t believe people still think it is at all reasonable to query.
“Who’s looking after your children while you’re away?”
I could say that I’ve paid a nanny, their grandmother is watching them or my children are in after-school care, but that would be a lie. I could also say my husband, that is, my children’s father is watching them, but that would be completely inaccurate as well.
My husband is not babysitting our children. He’s not watching our children. He’s parenting them, just like I do.
Dare I query how many men get asked the same question when they are in the office working each and every day. “So John, who’s watching your kids while you’re at work today?”
Can you see how ridiculous this question is?
Now, if I do respond to the super irritating ‘who’s looking after your kids question’ with a genuine response and say that my husband is with the children, there are a few standard replies received.
“That’s so good of him.”
No, no it’s not. It is generally expected that a parent will look after their children. No one has ever said to me that it’s good that I look after my children like I’m doing something abnormal, unexpected, or exceptional. It’s not extraordinary for a dad to look after his kids and it’s well and truly time we changed these archaic perceptions.
“How will he cope looking after the kids without you?”
Errrm, he’ll cope in the same way I cope. He is a parent, the same as me. Parenting is hard for both dads and moms. He knows how to feed them, care for them, and tend to them, albeit we may do these things a little differently. The kids are safe with him in the same way they are safe with me.
“Is his work okay with him taking time off to look after the kids?”
Yes, yes they are because from day one both my husband and I have made it clear to our workplaces that we share responsibilities as parents and there are times when we’re needed at home. If one of our children are sick, we negotiate who takes time off work to look after them based on our work schedules and demands, not on antiquated gender norms.
Whilst I feel that I should be my child’s rescuer in every single crisis and desperately want to be present at every single special occasion, this just isn’t possible. Knowing and truly believing that their dad is an equal party in this ‘raising kids’ business assures me that when I can’t be there, my children are just as loved, safe, and cared for.
My husband doesn’t babysit my kids. He raises them. He parents them.
The sooner the world catches up with the concept of equal parental expectations and responsibilities, the sooner my husband and I won’t have to justify our places as both workers and parents.
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